Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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