Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
