Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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