This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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