Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
