How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
