i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
