Kiss
Puke
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
