imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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