If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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