dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
