I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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