WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
