I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
