He is such a slut. More and more my type.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
