There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
