tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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