the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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