the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
