At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
no, he came in my armpit
handjob tips. give me some.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
