So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
