i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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