I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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