Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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