just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
