so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
tonight lets celebrate not being married
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
