so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
