glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
