Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
