Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
