she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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