dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
