Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
