No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
