I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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