i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
