how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
