Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
3 2 1 whiskey
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
