I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
