my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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