i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Enjoy the penises
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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