Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
