what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i drank out of a bidet.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
