i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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