come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
4 words: hood of his car
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
