Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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