Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
