took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
