That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
