His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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