I could have mohawked her pubes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
