My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
