Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
