i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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