I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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